the times, they are a changin'

Law school starts in exactly one week. Seven days. 168 hours. 10,080 minutes. [in case you were counting]

I was buying my books the other day [and dropping enough money to buy a nice television, a very nice watch, or lots of things from Fossil] when it hit me that my books look like the ones in movies. You know, those ginormous, leather bound books that sit on the shelves of libraries in movies like Meet Joe Black. It sounds completely ridiculous, but I think that the deeper message protruding from that inane thought was that life post college is real. That Jamie and Kara really did move away. That I really am going to law school. That my life in Austin is already becoming something I don’t really know.

It’s happening. And I can’t stop it.

I think most of you who know me well know that I love control. I’m the type-A planner sort, that girl who would add things to a to-do list that are already completed solely for the purpose of crossing out said completed task [issues, I know]. And however much I love to be in control, thriving off of a completed to-do list, I am on a long journey that is showing me that control is not my responsibility.

It has proven to be a very difficult lesson for me to learn, but I am realizing that control is not a responsibility I have to bear. I know that when control is something I try to carry, I am easily overburdened. And disturbed by things like spontaneity and uncertainty. And when those winds of change start to blow me out my comfort zone and into some place where I don’t know how I fit in, I feel completely lost and unsure of who I am.

But this is not the life I am called to lead, burdened by the unseen forces of change and uncertainty. When I release this load to the One who can carry it best, I can live as I was originally created to be. I can take hold of this life I have been given, living in full confidence of who I am and where I am going. The One who has given me life has gone before me, intricately preparing my way, longing to carry the heavy burden I so often wish to carry myself, and gently whispering in my soul that there is a better way. 'Take up my burden, my yoke, and find your rest in me.’

Though change seems to be blowing into my life with hurricane-force winds, I can find my footing in Him who is unmovable, unshakeable, and unconquerable. And though life right now is adorned with anxiety, uncertainty, and loneliness, a twinge of excitement propels me forward into this newfound adulthood. ‘Because He promises that He will never leave me or forsake me, I can boldly say I will not fear.’

And so while it seems like I went to bed a kid and woke up an adult, there is hope in knowing that His mercies are renewed daily. That He promises new experiences, new joys, and life to the full. Maybe, for right now, I can just enjoy the grace He has already given me. I can be thankful for those dear friends that I desperately miss, deeply grateful for the people who are still here, and confident because I know that I’m right where I’m supposed to be.

but he said to me, “my grace is sufficient for you…” [2 corinthians 12:9]