life [to my best knowledge]

grace.

2009-12-23T22:08:00.004-06:00

"when the life of grace first begins in the soul, we instinctively draw near to God, but it is with great fear and trembling. the soul, conscious of guilt and humbled by it, is over-awed with the solemnity of its position; it is prostrated by a sense of the grandeur of God, in whose presence it appears. with sincere humility it takes the lowest room.

but later on, as the Christian grows in grace, although he will never forget the solemnity of his position and will never lose that holy awe that must encompass a gracious man when he is in the presence of the God who can create or destroy, yet his fear has all its terror taken out of it; it becomes a holy reverence, and no longer an overshadowing dread. he is called up higher, to greater access to God in Christ Jesus. then the man of God, walking among the splendors of Deity and veiling his face like the glorious cherubim with those twin wings, the blood and righteousness of Jesus Christ, will, reverent and bowed in spirit, approach the throne, and seeing there a God of love, goodness, and mercy, he will realize the covenant character of God rather than His absolute Deity. he will see in God His goodness rather than His greatness, and more of His love than of His majesty. then the soul will bow just as humbly as before and enjoy a more sacred liberty of intercession; for while prostrate before the glory of the Infinite God, it will be sustained by the refreshing awareness of being in the presence of unlimited mercy and infinite love and by the realization of acceptance in the Beloved. in this way, the believer is invited to come up higher and is enabled to exercise the privilege of rejoicing in God and drawing near to Him in holy confidence, crying, Abba, Father."

[charles spurgeon]

come, Lord Jesus, come.

advent.

2009-11-29T17:40:00.003-06:00

"in the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. he was in the beginning with God. all things were made through him, and without him was not any thing made that was made. in him was life, and the life was the light of men...

the true light, which enlightens everyone, was coming into the world. he was in the world, and the world was made through him, yet the world did not know him. he came to his own, and his own people did not receive him. but to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God...

and the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth...

and from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace...

for the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. for the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. for we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. and not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the first-fruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies.

for in this hope we were saved."

come, Lord Jesus, come.

thanksgiving.

2009-11-26T01:41:00.011-06:00

if we complained less and were more thankful, we would be happier, and God would be more glorified. if we know what redemption means, let us not withhold our hymns of thanksgiving.

[spurgeon]

_________________________________

then king david went in and sat before the Lord and said, "who am i, O Lord God, and what is my house, that you have brought me thus far? and yet this was a small thing in your eyes, O Lord God. You have spoken also of your servant's house for a great while to come, and this is instruction for mankind, O Lord God! and what more can david say to you? for you know your servant, O Lord God! because of your promise, and according to your own great heart, you have brought about all this greatness, to make your servant know it. therefore you are great, O Lord God."

[2 samuel 7:18-22]

love.

2009-11-23T20:25:00.005-06:00

I will love them freely, the prophet hosea writes.

this sentence is a body of divinity in miniature...the sense hinges upon the word 'freely.' this is the glorious, the suitable, the divine way by which love streams from heaven to earth, a spontaneous love flowing out to those who neither deserved it, purchased it, nor sought after it. it is, indeed, the only way in which God can love such as we are.

the text is a death-blow to all sorts of fitness: "I will love them freely." now, if there were any fitness necessary in us, then He would not love us freely; at least, this would be a hindrance and a drawback to the freeness of it. but it stands: "I will love them freely."

we complain, "Lord, my heart is so hard." "I will love them freely." "but I don't feel my need of Christ as I ought to." "I will not love you because you feel your need; I will love you freely." "but I do not feel that softening of spirit that i should desire." remember, the softening of your spirit is not a condition, for there are no conditions; the covenant of grace has no conditionality whatever. so we without any fitness may rest upon the promise of God that was made to us in Christ Jesus when He said, "whoever believes in him is not condemned."

it is blessed to know that the grace of God is free to us at all times, without preparation, without fitness, without money, and without price! "I will love them freely." these words invite apostates to return: indeed, the text was specially written for such--"I will heal their apostasy; I will love them freely."

this is the joy we have today--that we are saved in Him.

[charles spurgeon]

joy.

2009-11-17T16:34:00.004-06:00

you drove me from the fruitless joys, you who are the true, the sovereign joy. [augustine]

one day, i will blog again. but not today--the fourth amendment awaits.

hope.

2009-09-25T22:59:00.002-05:00

and still He seeks the fellowship of His people and sends them both joy and sorrow to detach their hands from the things of this world, to attach those hands to Himself.
[j.i. packer]

tuesday goodness.

2009-06-09T15:55:00.003-05:00

costly grace is the gospel which must be sought again and again, the gift which must be asked for, the door at which a man must knock.

such grace is costly because it calls us to follow, and it is grace because it calls us to follow Jesus Christ. it is costly because it costs a man his life, and it is grace because it gives a man the only true life. it is costly because it condemns sin, and grace because it justifies the sinner. above all, it is costly because it cost God the life of his Son: 'ye were bought at a price,' and what has cost God much cannot be cheap for us. above all, it is grace because God did not reckon his Son too dear a price to pay for our life, but delivered him up for us. costly grace is the Incarnation of God...

when we are called to follow Christ, we are summoned to an exclusive attachment to his person. the grace of his call bursts all the bonds of legalism. it is a gracious call, a gracious commandment. it transcends the difference between the law and the gospel. Christ calls, the disciple follows: that is grace and commandment in one. 'i will walk at liberty, for I seek thy commandments.'

discipleship without Jesus Christ is a way of our own choosing. it may be the ideal way. it may even lead to martyrdom, but it is devoid of all promise. Jesus will certainly reject it.
[dietrich bonhoeffer]

is it true?

2009-05-16T00:03:00.002-05:00

oh yes, it is. FREEDOM!

good riddance 1L year.

He set his face.

2009-04-08T20:53:00.009-05:00

On Sunday, we will celebrate Christ’s resurrection; on Friday, we will remember his death. Until then, I pray that my heart does not forget what happened before.

Luke tells us that “when the days drew near for him to be taken up, he set his face to go to Jerusalem.”

He set his face. Four words that changed history. For in that moment, once and for all, he chose death. He knew what he was doing and what awaited him. Indeed, he told the twelve: ”see, we are going up to Jerusalem, and everything that is written about the Son of Man will be accomplished. For he will be delivered over to the Gentiles and will be mocked and shamefully treated and spit upon. And after flogging him, they will kill him, and on the third day he will rise” (Luke 18:31-32).

He set his face. To certain death.

The events surrounding Jesus’ crucifixion were not a surprise to the Son of God; that Judas would betray him for money, that his own people would forsake him for criminals—it was all known to him. We cannot deceive ourselves into thinking that what took place some 2000 years ago was a matter of mere happen-stance or luck; He knew what was to come—He set his face towards it. He knew that his incarnation had lead to this moment—the moment he would physically show his children the depth of his love. His skin thrashed, his limbs nailed to a cross, the one who knew no sin became sin so that we, me, would know life.

And he chose it. He chose me. He redeemed me—a broken, sinful, twenty-three year old law student who gets overwhelmed by silly things like memos and outlines and case readings. He loves me, us—oh, that I might know this daily. That I might push aside the distractions of life to hear His call to me. Follow me, He whispers. Follow me, and I will show you life everlasting. Lord, let my every breath be hallelujah.

“come and listen,

come to the water’s edge all you, who are thirsty, come.
let me tell you what He has done for me,
He has done for you,
He has done for us.
come and listen,
come and listen to what He has done.”

ignored, but not forgotten.

2009-04-01T16:40:00.006-05:00

Until last night, I had not walked on the main campus of UT in probably five months or so. And now, I'm sitting outside the business school, enjoying a beautiful Austin day, and taking in sights that I had seen nearly every day for the last four years--the PCL (though I think I only ventured in there once during my undergraduate career), the creepy statute outside the b-school, the UCC, the West Campus bus, business students in suits...it's strange. The law school is kind of its own monster--self-sufficient and outside the sphere of undergraduate students (except for those few who sneak in to the law library--and don't think we can't tell who you are--graphing calculators are a big tip-off :)). And so while I have been a student at UT for the last six months or so, I haven't taken a step anywhere on the campus except for those few that take me from the parking garage to the law school. Again, I reiterate, it's strange--it's strange to think that those four years passed by so quickly, that those people who were so much a part of this experience for me have left, and that I'm nearly done with my first year of law school. Woah! Time, where have you gone?

In any sense, this blog, like the UT main campus, has been much ignored by me. My apologies to those of you who actually read my ramblings--I will try to do better, but with finals coming up, I might have to defer until this summer...

law school in a nutshell...or a couple of paragraphs.

2009-01-07T23:56:00.001-06:00

My old roommate Kelsey gave me this funny book for my birthday called “Ivy Briefs: True Tales of a Neurotic Law Student.” It’s hilarious and gives a hugely accurate depiction of what being a law student is like. Here is one of my favorite passages which reflects my own experience:

“Elite law schools pride themselves on the fact that they instruct students on how to think like lawyers instead of teaching them the actual law that they need to know in order to be lawyers…professors make you figure [out the law] for yourself. They do this by employing the case method, where they force their students to read hundreds of judicial opinions during the course of the semester, somehow decipher what each case is saying, and then try to piece the rules extracted from each case together to understand how they work in unison to form an entire body of law. It’s not dissimilar to trying to work an eight hundred-piece jigsaw puzzle made up of only plain white pieces…

The professors know what [the cases] mean. But do they explain the meaning to the students? No. No, they don’t. Instead, they rely on a medieval torture device called the Socratic method…a process whereby venerated law professors reduce innocent law students to quivering heaps of jelly by questioning them relentlessly in front of a large class filled with their peers…the professor asks. You answer. He says, “but what about this? How do you reconcile your answer with this?” You dig deep within yourself and find a response. He then says, “okay, so how about we twist the facts of the case around, then how would you respond?” This process is then repeated ad nauseam until, at some point, the professor has backed you into a corner and proved that you are nothing but a monumental idiot.”

16.67% Completed.

2009-01-07T23:54:00.000-06:00

I made it.

Barely. I survived my first semester as a 1L in the twilight zone known as law school. And now, as I have to start earnestly thinking about buying books and doing my reading (yes, reading—which was assigned around the beginning of December, though we were yet to suffer through finals), I feel like my life is on pause while the rest of the world storms past me in fast forward.

It’s all so surreal; my roommate now works 60 hours a week at her job, my best friend is getting married in July, other friends are bringing new life into the world, and I’m stuck in a black hole of grad school, a place where adults pay hundreds of thousands of dollars to pretend to be college students again. So while Rachel tends to Ben Bernacke and Kara saves lives, I’m sitting in a lecture surfing Facebook or playing Tetris. I don’t work 40 hours a week or bring home a salary or raise children. Nope, I still live my life in semesters. I fill my brain with an unending amount of case law and study for finals and pretend to pay attention in class.

So it’s strange. It’s strange to feel like a kid though you’re about to turn 23 and your friends are off doing grown-up things like working and getting married and having kids of their own. But I made it. I survived the hellish experience known as being a 1L. I didn’t sleep, I read thousands of pages of court cases, I started drinking caffeine again, and I became a big fan of B minuses. I made it.

Uh, only 2.5 more years to go?

my friends are pretty talented...

2008-12-03T18:53:00.004-06:00

and more creative than i could ever dream to be. i am always blown away by the work they do. one of those friends is candace, and she made a stop-motion short thingy (i'm not sure what the technical language is) about creation for one of her classes. she did everything (staging, filming, editing, etc.) but the narration. i thought it was pretty awesome and wanted to share it with all of my blogger stalkers out there.

you can find the video here.

My iPhone Ran Away...

2008-12-02T10:15:00.001-06:00

Yesterday, in the hustle and bustle of finishing my legal research final thirty minutes before it was due, I somehow misplaced my iPhone in the time it takes to print off my paper and turn it in. I was about halfway through my torts class when I realized it wasn’t with me. After torts, I hit up every lost and found in the law school and was eventually able to call myself. I took it as a bad sign that my fully charged phone had been turned off, as it is unlikely that I will be able to get a hold of the new “owner.” I then rushed over to AT&T where I waited an hour to suspend my line, and then made it back to the law school with enough time to once again scour the lost and found boxes before my last class of the day.

Needless to say, it was one of those days…

Pastor Rob’s sermon on Sunday was about the blessings of generous giving and that the best way to cure yourself of materialism is to give everything away; he asked us if we were really spending our money in a way that reflects what we value. Now while I ordinarily wouldn’t call myself overly materialistic, I can see the irony in the whole thing. Granted, had I been a little more proactive and diligent in doing my paper ahead of time, I probably never would have been in this little pickle. I wouldn’t have forgotten my phone had I not been worrying about finishing my paper and turning it in on time. And losing that expensive little thing has shown me just how much I depended on it. I mean, seriously, I have felt disconnected from the rest of the world simply because I don’t have it at my fingertips. I even think I had the thought that I would have rather not finished my paper than lose my phone.

This morning, still phoneless and surfing World Magazine in class, I read: “our darkened hearts are capable of bottomless hunger. If someone places something attractive before us, even though we were content before, the very existence of it will open up a hole, a want, a craving. And the worst thing we can do is give in to the craving, because we’ll only train ourselves to want more and more…I’m starting to see the value of denying our wants. I’m not talking about moderation, about denying ourselves things we don’t really need, whatever that means. I’m talking about denying ourselves things we might actually have a good use for, solely for the sake of keeping our flesh in check.”

So while losing my phone has been VERY inconvenient and somewhat painful to swallow, I think it’s time for this lesson. Maybe it’s time to go back to the old school Nokia?

And to the new “owner” of my phone: check out the Texas Penal Code, section 31.03.

thanksgiving?

2008-11-28T22:06:00.001-06:00

Yesterday was Thanksgiving. I confess that I spent some time trying to come up with an ‘obligatory’ post of thanksgiving, where I talk about the things I’m thankful for and how I love that there’s a holiday dedicated to food, family, and football and that we should really be thanking Jesus and not the Pilgrims.

But then I started thinking about how I was not thankful that my legal research final is due Monday. And that I have to study over Thanksgiving break. And that I have a voluminous amount of work to do before I can even begin to think about Christmas shopping. And underlying all those complaints was the thought that I’m not thankful that I am in law school.

And so I abandoned my thanksgiving endeavor.

But today, as I was (thinking about) writing this paper on North Carolina trade secret law, it dawned on me that a year ago, I was praying that I would get into UT Law.

Ooh. Right.

I forgot. I forgot?

Um, did someone say revelation?

So I Was Tagged...

2008-11-03T09:34:00.004-06:00

I was tagged by Jamie and Foshizzle...and since there has been a noticeable lack of blogging recently [due in no small part to the fact that I am an indentured servant to UT Law], I figured this would be a good update!

Here goes my seven random facts:
1. I have a slight case of OCD with my sheets. I won't get into my bed unless I have had a shower, nor will I let anyone lay down unless they too are clean. I feel sorry for the poor man who marries me, because this woman loves clean sheets!

2. I love sugar. Cookies, ice-cream, brownies, cake, all of it. Fortunately for me, I spend a lot of time with Shannon, who also happens to share this vice, and she keeps my sweet tooth pretty well satisfied. And as much as I love sugar, I hate peanut butter. Some might deem this un-American, but I can't stand it--I think most of it has to do with the smell, but in any case, the taste of it makes me cringe.

3. Some people are shocked to find out that one of my dreams is to be a stay-at-home mom. Yes, all that post-modern feminist thinking encouraging women to pursue successful, professional careers was lost on me. This college grad currently pursuing higher education would much rather be at home with five kids playing monster trucks than CEO of her own company.

4. I can recite, in order, all of the presidents of the United States.

5. I love my DVR. Seriously, it is one of the greatest inventions EVER.

6. My biggest goal in college was to win a t-shirt in intramural football. Sad, I know, but if you did your undergrad at UT, you know how competitive flag football is. I never accomplished this goal--I made it to finals several times, but the elusive prize always escaped me. Maybe that's why I'm in law school--it gives me another three years to play!

7. I chose to go to UT for undergrad because I thought the buildings were prettier than at A&M. Seriously.

And yes, I posted this while in Constitutional Law. Maybe I should be paying attention.

it's somebody's birthday...

2008-09-17T10:38:00.006-05:00

on september 17, 1985, God decided jamie kim could enter this world.

on january 14, 1986, God decided i could come into this world.

in septemberish 2004, jamie kim and i were assigned to a bible study that met on this campus of 50,000. it is up for debate as to whether our purpose was to become friends or torment our beloved b.s. leader meg ryan, but i like to think we did both...

by septemberish 2007, there was no debate as to why we were assigned to the same bible study as wee little freshmen. God had crossed our paths, bringing this AZN from katy into my life, and making her a 'cornerstone' in my community.

by mayish 2008, we had celebrated four years of living life together...we had gone through ups and downs, "out-of-body experiences," and had even survived traveling together.

on september 17, 2008, our paths no longer joined in the same city. separated by 1669.03 miles, we can no longer sit on our senior couch and drop osteen jokes, or eat sno-beach together, or watch jon and kate plus 8. we can't drive around and shuffle the ipod to our emo music [relient k] or dcb, or go out to lunch after church, or celebrate 23rd birthdays together.

so today, september 17, 2008, my dear friend whom i dearly miss gets to be front and center on my blog. happy birthday to you, mischevious jamie kim, my sour-patch eating, excessive coffee drinking, joel osteen 'loving' friend. because of you, i know it's okay to buy 'your best life now,' or have 'out-of-body experiences,' or to bring things back to me. because of you, i am daily challenged by our dear Lord who brought our paths together, challenged by the way you devote yourself to prayer and to his ministry. because of you, i am blessed with deep friendship and the experience of knowing what it's like to live in community. because of you, i am better than i was four years ago.

i so wish we could have dinner tonight to celebrate your day together, but even more so, i wish you were here to live life with me.

top 10 things i've learned in law school...thus far.

2008-09-14T15:06:00.004-05:00

1. You can pretty much sue anybody for anything at anytime. As my torts professor told us, when approached with a possible tort, you must think about anybody connected to the defendant who you might be able to hold liable---mom, dad, boss, dog. Once you've done that, sue those people, too, just in case.
2. Insanity is pretty much a ‘get out of jail free card.’ Plead insanity and you have a good chance of getting off. I mean, if a guy can be acquitted for killing three people because he "blacked out" and doesn’t remember doing it, then the insanity defense has to be pretty legit. Moral? No. Legal? Yes.
3. There are always those people who think they’re smarter than everyone else. We like to call them ‘gunners’. They're also the people who raise their hands to answer questions the professor has specifically directed at someone else, or try to show that the professor [who is probably a legal genius in their own right] is wrong. So far, three have been identified in my section. All I can say is that it must be hard being the smartest person at the 16th best law school in the country.
4. People don’t like it when you talk in the law library. They're quick to give a hostile ‘shhh’ to anyone who speaks above a whisper. As Ty likes to say, you’ve got to be as quiet as a mouse.
5. The law is not completely devoid of morality. Only most of it is. [See above discussion on torts and insanity.]
6. Law school professors don’t like to answer questions. Any question you ask will be answered with another question. As I have found, it is quite frustrating for those of us who just want the answer and not the twenty minute discussion that comes with it.
7. I am officially a nerd. When you begin to justify not doing the reading because you think a possible defense in court would be that a ‘reasonable person’ would not have done the reading either, you know you’ve sold out. [For those of you who haven’t had the distinct pleasure to scour thousands of cases dating back to the 1600s, the reasonable person standard dictates what should be acceptable behavior in the eyes of the law].
8. Pretty much any professor you run across is some sort of legal genius in some field. For example, I was doing my Con Law reading the other day when none other but my Con Law professor himself was quoted. Crazy. [And for the record, Con Law has nothing to do with being a felon. Or, at least a 'criminal' felon. You might be a Constitutional felon, but I suppose that's a different subject for another day.]
9. Law school is pretty much like being a high school freshman again…you don’t know anybody, the same kids are in all of your classes, people congregate around the lockers, and everyone wants to be the best.
10. Law school is hard. These people weren’t joking when they said we’ve entered the house of pain.

Time for an Update...

2008-09-08T02:34:00.002-05:00

Law school is hard. and tiring. and more work than I have ever done in my entire school career. and surprisingly quite similar to the movie Legally Blonde.

But God is so good. and faithful. and full of strength and mercy. and He gives me enough to get through each day. He gives me time to get it all done [even on nights like tonight when I forget that I have Con Law homework, despite the existence of a comprehensive to-do list]. He gives me time to enjoy things I love, like ministry and watching One Tree Hill and having dinner with friends new and old. He gives me wonderful people who speak truth into my life and without whom I would not have survived the last two weeks.

and for however much legal knowledge I have acquired in the last two weeks, I have learned that despite my weaknesses, tiredness, doubts, and complaints, He will draw near to those who seek Him. He is Emmanuel, my God who is with me, and that is more than I will need for today.

the times, they are a changin'

2008-08-18T18:07:00.001-05:00

Law school starts in exactly one week. Seven days. 168 hours. 10,080 minutes. [in case you were counting]

I was buying my books the other day [and dropping enough money to buy a nice television, a very nice watch, or lots of things from Fossil] when it hit me that my books look like the ones in movies. You know, those ginormous, leather bound books that sit on the shelves of libraries in movies like Meet Joe Black. It sounds completely ridiculous, but I think that the deeper message protruding from that inane thought was that life post college is real. That Jamie and Kara really did move away. That I really am going to law school. That my life in Austin is already becoming something I don’t really know.

It’s happening. And I can’t stop it.

I think most of you who know me well know that I love control. I’m the type-A planner sort, that girl who would add things to a to-do list that are already completed solely for the purpose of crossing out said completed task [issues, I know]. And however much I love to be in control, thriving off of a completed to-do list, I am on a long journey that is showing me that control is not my responsibility.

It has proven to be a very difficult lesson for me to learn, but I am realizing that control is not a responsibility I have to bear. I know that when control is something I try to carry, I am easily overburdened. And disturbed by things like spontaneity and uncertainty. And when those winds of change start to blow me out my comfort zone and into some place where I don’t know how I fit in, I feel completely lost and unsure of who I am.

But this is not the life I am called to lead, burdened by the unseen forces of change and uncertainty. When I release this load to the One who can carry it best, I can live as I was originally created to be. I can take hold of this life I have been given, living in full confidence of who I am and where I am going. The One who has given me life has gone before me, intricately preparing my way, longing to carry the heavy burden I so often wish to carry myself, and gently whispering in my soul that there is a better way. 'Take up my burden, my yoke, and find your rest in me.’

Though change seems to be blowing into my life with hurricane-force winds, I can find my footing in Him who is unmovable, unshakeable, and unconquerable. And though life right now is adorned with anxiety, uncertainty, and loneliness, a twinge of excitement propels me forward into this newfound adulthood. ‘Because He promises that He will never leave me or forsake me, I can boldly say I will not fear.’

And so while it seems like I went to bed a kid and woke up an adult, there is hope in knowing that His mercies are renewed daily. That He promises new experiences, new joys, and life to the full. Maybe, for right now, I can just enjoy the grace He has already given me. I can be thankful for those dear friends that I desperately miss, deeply grateful for the people who are still here, and confident because I know that I’m right where I’m supposed to be.

but he said to me, “my grace is sufficient for you…” [2 corinthians 12:9]

It's Olympics Time!!! [part 2]

2008-08-10T16:15:00.009-05:00

(an edit to this post):
Okay, so I have pretty much been watching the Olympics 24/7, but the best moment by far was watching the US relay team come from behind to break a world record and silence the French in the 4x100! My roommates and I were jumping up and down, yelling and screaming at our television as we watched one of the greatest sporting moments I have ever seen. It sure brings a ton of national pride, especially when the French have been talking trash! I don't know about you, but I totally feel like singing Lee Greenwood's 'Proud to be an American'!!! GO USA!

(an edit to my previous post):
After a somewhat intense conversation with some friends after church as to the legitimacy of ping-pong and badmitton as sports, I have decided that taking up either of those (or maybe skeet-shooting) might allow me to achieve my Olympic dreams without too much physical strain or sacrifice of sugar.

And for the record, I still do not consider those 'leisure activities' real sports. But, I just might change my mind if playing ping-pong gets me a gold medal in the Olympic games.

It's Olympics Time!!!

2008-08-08T23:54:00.007-05:00

I think for all of us who once called ourselves athletes, there is something about watching the opening ceremony of the Olympics that excites you. From the comfort of your couch, the opening ceremony seems magical enough to give you a rush of endorphins via your high-definition television screen. The athlete inside of you remembers what it is like to compete on the highest level, to feel the thrill of playing in front of a crowd, the agony that comes with a hard-fought loss. Your muscles remember the motions you used to make a thousand times over, and that competitor inside of you longs to feel the exhilaration of constantly putting your body to a test.

You watch the men and women march in to an athletic stage of the highest kind, and part of you feels like you could be there if you really tried. You tell yourself that tomorrow will be the resurrection of your athletic career. No more sleeping in late; morning is the best time to run. Forget that strawberry ice cream that you polished off after a barbeque dinner. It sure won't help you get your body into competitive form again.

But...the ceremony ends, and you remember that you don't really enjoy getting up for an early morning jog anymore. And that strawberry ice cream seemed especially delicious last night. And if you were busy training to be an Olympic athlete, you'd miss most of your shows and probably wouldn't be able to hang out with your friends as much. Granted, you might have to pass up a deal with Nike or Speedo, but maybe it's okay to be a has-been too. Maybe, remembering what you used to be will be enough to get you through the 17 days of non-stop athletic competition.

And so I will continue to wear in my spot on the couch, eating ice cream after dinner and sleeping in too late. But man, I sure do love the Olympics.

lyrics for a tired soul

2008-07-27T04:09:00.006-05:00

when Satan tempts me to despair

and tells me of the guilt within,

upward I look and see Him there

who made an end to all my sin.

because the sinless Savior died

my sinful soul is counted free,

for God, the Just, is satisfied

to look on Him and pardon me.

Africa

2008-07-17T12:23:00.016-05:00

You cannot escape her.

As you step off your plane and onto her land, she immediately overwhelms your senses. The sights, the smells, the sounds…it is a new and stimulating experience. The eerie stillness of a Nairobi night is much like the aura of Africa herself—vast, unknown, uncertain. You drive through the streets, struck by the paradox that is Africa: small pockets of wealth (advertisements for Sony LCD televisions and BMW cars) surrounded by immense poverty.

You forget what you see and close your eyes for much needed sleep.

The next morning, you board a plane to yet another unknown place. As the small plane takes off, you wonder what more does Africa hold. Where will this ‘large mosquito’ drop me off?

And then you land. And you are immediately greeted by smiles. Verbal communication is nearly impossible without a translator, and thus interaction becomes feeble attempts at Didinga, or laughter, or your own smile. As you ascend the mountain to the compound, children are eager to tickle your ear with grass, hoping to arise a giggle from a koaja (white person); the koajas, however, are eager to make it up the mountain without passing out.

You cannot be unaffected by the people. Their beauty and joy overflow, and your arrogant American mind wonders how it is possible for joy to exist amidst such destitution. You have never seen poverty like this, nor could you even fathom it in a place like America. And then you see them worship. And pass the offering plate—no money, just three avocados. And then you know. Their joy is the joy that can only come from the Lord, a joy unknown to those of us who have been raised with all of our daily needs met. In this war-torn place of utter poverty, He is the only hope that the people can have. They cannot depend on a government to provide or protect, nor on what their own hands might create. In Africa, in Sudan, He is the only thing worth depending on.

And so you go about your week, trying your best to live the culture as you crave the conveniences of home—showers, beds, electricity, macaroni and cheese. The days are long and hard, and just like America did in her pre-electric years, you sleep when the sun sets and rise when the rooster crows. Each day, you greet the ‘Peters-Roses-Elisabeths-Josephs’ with a smile and an ‘abuna,’ and each day you are struck by how hard they work to make you feel like family. Their care and service to you is humbling, and at times, overwhelming.

By the end of the week, you have grown to love these people. But here, you cannot trade email addresses or even mailing addresses; you know that when you board that plane to go home, you will have to love them from afar. As the plane takes off the grass airstrip amidst smiles and waves, you leave knowing that God seems more real in this place. His presence seems closer to His people here, and you know it is because their only hope is Him. They are sans distractions, the modern conveniences that disillusion our need for Him.

And while you are excited to come home, to take a shower, to devour pizza, you feel that a part of your heart was left in Africa. Now, you cannot forget what you saw. Your heart continues to beat for her, for her people. You long to know their joy, to be immersed in it. More than anything, you long to know the God they know, the God who is Creator, Father, Protector, Sustainer.

"Many are asking, "Who can show us any good?" Let the light of your face shine upon us, O Lord. You have filled my heart with greater joy than when their grain and new wine abound. I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety." [Psalm 4:6-8]

I'm Baaaccckkk....

2008-07-10T19:32:00.008-05:00

....and extremely jetlagged. I'm pushing to stay up to a decent hour though my body is desperately craving sleep. As poor Shannon found out today, I'm not worth much when my body is sleep-deprived and therefore incapable of processing the last two weeks. So until I can really think about what I've experienced, don't expect too many intensive blog posts. For now, you will have to settle for a picture [sunset at Maasai Mara/Serengetti National Park].

t-minus 7ish hours.

2008-06-25T23:07:00.004-05:00

No blog posts for a while, seeing as how I'm going to be sleeping in a tent in the middle of Africa.

I am praying for God to do big things in the Didinga Hills and in my own life. When I get back, I hope to be able to put my experience into words that will do it justice. Until then, I will pray the words of Paul, which just so happen to be one of my favorite pieces of Scripture:

"To me, though I am the very least of all the saints, this grace was given, to preach to the Gentiles the unsearchable riches of Christ...For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge-that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."

Thanks to all for their commitment of prayer. It is a great encouragement to know that you will be praying half a world away.

I am Known by God

2008-06-23T14:34:00.013-05:00

I leave for the Sudan on Thursday. It’s hard to believe that it is finally here, and that it only takes a couple of plane rides to be transported from a place of familiarity, comfort, and excess to a place where indoor plumbing and Starbucks have yet to arrive. And while I am ready to just go, I know I am going through those days that usually accompany the final preparation for a mission trip; I question my adequacy to serve, my ability to share this Gospel of truth and grace. Will I be able to articulately describe a love that is incomprehensible and yet so palpably real in the same breath?

Recently, though, I have been trudging through J. I. Packer’s Knowing God. And however challenging it might be, it has also served as an encouragement to me over the past couple days as I prepare to leave. In it, he describes the beauty of being known by God:

“what matters supremely, therefore, is not, in the last analysis, the fact that I know God, but the larger fact which underlies it—the fact that he knows me…There is tremendous relief in knowing that his love to me is utterly realistic, based at every point on prior knowledge of the worst about me, so that no discovery now can disillusion him about me, in the way I am so often disillusioned about myself...”

How beautiful it is to describe God’s love as utterly realistic---that it overwhelms us despite our fears, failures, and flaws. That despite my own disillusionment, good or bad, His love is unchanging. That despite my own feelings of inadequacy, He will use me to His glory, and His purpose will prevail.

So I don’t have to worry about knowing what to say or being able to overcome culture and language, because the beauty in following Christ is that His love will transcend my human folly. As I prepare to love a people presently unknown to me, there is comfort in knowing that they are already known by Him.

father's day

2008-06-15T21:20:00.008-05:00

because today was father's day, i dragged myself (or maybe was pushed) out of bed to go fishing with my dad at 4:50 IN THE MORNING. the morning sunrise was beautiful, as you can see.

happy father's day, dad. i love you!

Come, and Follow Me...

2008-06-09T22:11:00.005-05:00

I suppose those of us immersed in the Christian circle have heard a sermon on transformation once or twice…or three times. And as often as we hear it, I wonder how many of us truly live transformed.

I see it in my own life, where the familiarity of the old comes easier than walking in newness of life. It’s easier to not love enemies, easier to change lanes to avoid contact with a homeless person, easier to consume myself with things---well, of myself.

But this is not the life I have been called to. The journey to the Cross is one that begins with death---death to self, to earthly passions and lusts, to anything less than His holiness. I so easily sing ‘lead me to the Cross,’ but do I really behold the gravity of that phrase? Do I truly understand that I cry out for a death to myself?

Most of the time, probably not.

If I did, maybe I would be a little more like salt and light rather than just another face in the crowd.

But there is always more to the Cross than what is seen at face value. And while the journey begins with death, it ends with life. Life changed, life restored, life to the full. And the beauty that pours from the Cross is full of grace and truth.

So while for me death to myself is a daily battle, I will continue to cling to this Cross. And though there are times [many] when I fail to die to myself, I can rest in His promise that He will carry on His work in me to completion. He will continue to transform me, change me, love me to the person I was created to be. The only thing required of me is that I meet Him there.

And so daily, I will continue to walk the path to the Cross. Because the path that begins with death ends at the One who conquered it all.

The hard part, I suppose, is taking that first step.

sunday morning

2008-06-08T21:14:00.008-05:00

i love Sunday mornings when i can feel the Spirit moving through worship...and through a message wrought with truth, wisdom, and genuine humility.

podcast Matt's sermon here (it might not be up until later in the week). it was more than challenging and beautifully graceful.

'For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again.'

He Asked, She Said????

2008-06-07T00:51:00.011-05:00

After driving the 400 miles from Oklahoma City to Austin, I got a phone call Thursday afternoon that put me back in the car. This time, I was on my way to College Station to see my best friend get engaged. And with a little deception on both my and Dane's part, she opened the door shocked and surprised to see this:

He asked, she shook her head, and a giant rock was placed on her finger.

After all these years of our 'hypotheticals,' fake Wal-Mart rings, trips to jewelry stores with pretend fiances, and probably hundreds of hours of conversations about marriage and what our weddings would be like, one of us will actually be walking down the aisle. Wow.

So congratulations bestest friend. I have a feeling this is going to be more fun than watching you play softball...

ET Phone Home?

2008-06-04T19:41:00.011-05:00

[note: this is in direct response to an unnamed friend’s blog post.]

As friends begin to move away, and life continues to change, I have been thinking about what home means. Four years ago, I never thought I would be able to call Austin home. I hated every bit of this city, and as most of you know, I spent most of my freshman year in College Station.

But time passed, and by some miracle, I remained a Longhorn. And Austin began to feel like home.

As I think more about it, Sugar Land never stopped being home either. It’s home because it’s home to my family and home to people who knew me way back when. But now, Austin is home too. And it’s home because there are people here that I can’t imagine my life without, people I would call family. Granted, none of us are related. But I suppose that in this life, it really doesn’t matter if you share the same DNA. What matters is that we choose to live life together. We choose to bear each other’s burdens, to listen on bad days, to rejoice in God’s blessings, to mourn when things go wrong. We choose to be each other's family.

Home, I’ve learned, is not about bricks and mortar. Home is about people.

And so while it might seem scary to leave the family we’re most familiar with, to move somewhere unknown to a place we wouldn’t necessarily call home, we can take comfort that in each new place await new additions to our family. New people to sharpen, encourage, and enjoy life with. And because we know that our loving God has prepared the way for us, we can be certain that this new place will eventually begin to feel like home. Sooner or later, we will find those people we can’t imagine our lives without.

So go my dear friend and find your new family and make your new city home. This one will be waiting when you’re ready to come back.

live from the women's college world series....

2008-05-29T10:27:00.005-05:00

courtesy of graham hays, espn.com:

Player to Watch [in the Women's College World Series]: Jamie Hinshaw

There's nothing flashy about Hinshaw's game, but she's exactly the kind of player likely to come up with key RBIs if Texas A&M ends up making a run in Oklahoma City. A starter in every game Texas A&M has played in her four years in College Station, she hit .305 as a freshman and somehow just kept getting better. A perfect 18-for-18 on stolen bases this season, she hasn't been caught stealing since 2006 and gets on base by virtue of more walks than strikeouts and a .361 average. To top it all of, she is slugging a career-best .519.
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pretty cool. also pretty cool when you're an all-american. congrats best friend!

100 degree weather and lots of softball in my immediate future. catch it on espn.

ps: kelsey told me secretly loves blogs.

life recently and upcoming.

2008-05-28T02:06:00.007-05:00

recently:
sunbathed on a beach in mexico for a week. walked across a stage and received a 'business card portfolio' for completing four years of education at UT [apparently, diplomas are no longer the customary item you receive at graduation]. sat on the main mall at UT to take part in what could be the best graduation show ever [i'm pretty sure there's no fireworks show at other colleges]. planned a (somewhat) surprise honeymoon for some awesome people getting married in july. watched my best friend earn a second trip to the women's college world series. hung out with some pretty awesome people.

upcoming:
watch aforementioned best friend compete in the women's college world series. hang out with those pretty awesome people. have my life changed by a pretty awesome God through some pretty awesome sudanese people. go on safari in kenya. watch a couple of friends get married. continue to hang out with those pretty awesome people doing lots of fun stuff. begin law school.
_______________________________________

happy birthday roomie. i am thankful for your twenty two years of life and more than a decade of your friendship.

"He said hello, and I said hi."

2008-05-28T01:10:00.006-05:00

So I have become one of those people who blog. I never really thought I would blog, especially after Kelsey declared that people without children have no reason to blog because nobody cares what they are doing. Despite whatever truth there may be to that comment, I have decided to blog. Maybe it's because I have exactly eighty nine days left with little [some might argue no] responsibility, and I've got to fill time somehow. Maybe it's because in exactly eighty nine days, my life as I currently know it will cease to exist, and this medium might be the best way for people to know what's going on in my life should they be interested [however boring that may be Kels]. Secretly, I want to keep Jamie Kim occupied during her Contracts I class next fall...

Honestly, I don't know why I've decided to blog. I joked with Shannon the other day that I should write my treatise; I'm sure all good treatises started as blogs, right?? In any case, I think it might be fun, and as some of you might be shocked to find out, I actually like writing. With the amount of writing I am sure to do in the next three years, writing something other than legal briefs could be a good distraction.

So we will see how this goes. Maybe I'll love it. Maybe you'll love it. Maybe you'll love it, but I'll be tired of writing after my first month in law school and this blog ceases to exist. Maybe that will make some of you happy [Kelsey]. But for now, maybe I'll do this for me and let you read along.