grace.

"when the life of grace first begins in the soul, we instinctively draw near to God, but it is with great fear and trembling. the soul, conscious of guilt and humbled by it, is over-awed with the solemnity of its position; it is prostrated by a sense of the grandeur of God, in whose presence it appears. with sincere humility it takes the lowest room.

but later on, as the Christian grows in grace, although he will never forget the solemnity of his position and will never lose that holy awe that must encompass a gracious man when he is in the presence of the God who can create or destroy, yet his fear has all its terror taken out of it; it becomes a holy reverence, and no longer an overshadowing dread. he is called up higher, to greater access to God in Christ Jesus. then the man of God, walking among the splendors of Deity and veiling his face like the glorious cherubim with those twin wings, the blood and righteousness of Jesus Christ, will, reverent and bowed in spirit, approach the throne, and seeing there a God of love, goodness, and mercy, he will realize the covenant character of God rather than His absolute Deity. he will see in God His goodness rather than His greatness, and more of His love than of His majesty. then the soul will bow just as humbly as before and enjoy a more sacred liberty of intercession; for while prostrate before the glory of the Infinite God, it will be sustained by the refreshing awareness of being in the presence of unlimited mercy and infinite love and by the realization of acceptance in the Beloved. in this way, the believer is invited to come up higher and is enabled to exercise the privilege of rejoicing in God and drawing near to Him in holy confidence, crying, Abba, Father."

[charles spurgeon]

come, Lord Jesus, come.

advent.

"in the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. he was in the beginning with God. all things were made through him, and without him was not any thing made that was made. in him was life, and the life was the light of men...

the true light, which enlightens everyone, was coming into the world. he was in the world, and the world was made through him, yet the world did not know him. he came to his own, and his own people did not receive him. but to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God...

and the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth...

and from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace...

for the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. for the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. for we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. and not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the first-fruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies.

for in this hope we were saved."

come, Lord Jesus, come.

thanksgiving.

if we complained less and were more thankful, we would be happier, and God would be more glorified. if we know what redemption means, let us not withhold our hymns of thanksgiving.

[spurgeon]

_________________________________

then king david went in and sat before the Lord and said, "who am i, O Lord God, and what is my house, that you have brought me thus far? and yet this was a small thing in your eyes, O Lord God. You have spoken also of your servant's house for a great while to come, and this is instruction for mankind, O Lord God! and what more can david say to you? for you know your servant, O Lord God! because of your promise, and according to your own great heart, you have brought about all this greatness, to make your servant know it. therefore you are great, O Lord God."

[2 samuel 7:18-22]

love.

I will love them freely, the prophet hosea writes.

this sentence is a body of divinity in miniature...the sense hinges upon the word 'freely.' this is the glorious, the suitable, the divine way by which love streams from heaven to earth, a spontaneous love flowing out to those who neither deserved it, purchased it, nor sought after it. it is, indeed, the only way in which God can love such as we are.

the text is a death-blow to all sorts of fitness: "I will love them freely." now, if there were any fitness necessary in us, then He would not love us freely; at least, this would be a hindrance and a drawback to the freeness of it. but it stands: "I will love them freely."

we complain, "Lord, my heart is so hard." "I will love them freely." "but I don't feel my need of Christ as I ought to." "I will not love you because you feel your need; I will love you freely." "but I do not feel that softening of spirit that i should desire." remember, the softening of your spirit is not a condition, for there are no conditions; the covenant of grace has no conditionality whatever. so we without any fitness may rest upon the promise of God that was made to us in Christ Jesus when He said, "whoever believes in him is not condemned."

it is blessed to know that the grace of God is free to us at all times, without preparation, without fitness, without money, and without price! "I will love them freely." these words invite apostates to return: indeed, the text was specially written for such--"I will heal their apostasy; I will love them freely."

this is the joy we have today--that we are saved in Him.

[charles spurgeon]

joy.

you drove me from the fruitless joys, you who are the true, the sovereign joy. [augustine]

one day, i will blog again. but not today--the fourth amendment awaits.

hope.

and still He seeks the fellowship of His people and sends them both joy and sorrow to detach their hands from the things of this world, to attach those hands to Himself.
[j.i. packer]

tuesday goodness.

costly grace is the gospel which must be sought again and again, the gift which must be asked for, the door at which a man must knock.

such grace is costly because it calls us to follow, and it is grace because it calls us to follow Jesus Christ. it is costly because it costs a man his life, and it is grace because it gives a man the only true life. it is costly because it condemns sin, and grace because it justifies the sinner. above all, it is costly because it cost God the life of his Son: 'ye were bought at a price,' and what has cost God much cannot be cheap for us. above all, it is grace because God did not reckon his Son too dear a price to pay for our life, but delivered him up for us. costly grace is the Incarnation of God...

when we are called to follow Christ, we are summoned to an exclusive attachment to his person. the grace of his call bursts all the bonds of legalism. it is a gracious call, a gracious commandment. it transcends the difference between the law and the gospel. Christ calls, the disciple follows: that is grace and commandment in one. 'i will walk at liberty, for I seek thy commandments.'

discipleship without Jesus Christ is a way of our own choosing. it may be the ideal way. it may even lead to martyrdom, but it is devoid of all promise. Jesus will certainly reject it.
[dietrich bonhoeffer]

is it true?

oh yes, it is. FREEDOM!

good riddance 1L year.

He set his face.

On Sunday, we will celebrate Christ’s resurrection; on Friday, we will remember his death. Until then, I pray that my heart does not forget what happened before.

Luke tells us that “when the days drew near for him to be taken up, he set his face to go to Jerusalem.”

He set his face. Four words that changed history. For in that moment, once and for all, he chose death. He knew what he was doing and what awaited him. Indeed, he told the twelve: ”see, we are going up to Jerusalem, and everything that is written about the Son of Man will be accomplished. For he will be delivered over to the Gentiles and will be mocked and shamefully treated and spit upon. And after flogging him, they will kill him, and on the third day he will rise” (Luke 18:31-32).

He set his face. To certain death.

The events surrounding Jesus’ crucifixion were not a surprise to the Son of God; that Judas would betray him for money, that his own people would forsake him for criminals—it was all known to him. We cannot deceive ourselves into thinking that what took place some 2000 years ago was a matter of mere happen-stance or luck; He knew what was to come—He set his face towards it. He knew that his incarnation had lead to this moment—the moment he would physically show his children the depth of his love. His skin thrashed, his limbs nailed to a cross, the one who knew no sin became sin so that we, me, would know life.

And he chose it. He chose me. He redeemed me—a broken, sinful, twenty-three year old law student who gets overwhelmed by silly things like memos and outlines and case readings. He loves me, us—oh, that I might know this daily. That I might push aside the distractions of life to hear His call to me. Follow me, He whispers. Follow me, and I will show you life everlasting. Lord, let my every breath be hallelujah.

“come and listen,

come to the water’s edge all you, who are thirsty, come.
let me tell you what He has done for me,
He has done for you,
He has done for us.
come and listen,
come and listen to what He has done.”

ignored, but not forgotten.

Until last night, I had not walked on the main campus of UT in probably five months or so. And now, I'm sitting outside the business school, enjoying a beautiful Austin day, and taking in sights that I had seen nearly every day for the last four years--the PCL (though I think I only ventured in there once during my undergraduate career), the creepy statute outside the b-school, the UCC, the West Campus bus, business students in suits...it's strange. The law school is kind of its own monster--self-sufficient and outside the sphere of undergraduate students (except for those few who sneak in to the law library--and don't think we can't tell who you are--graphing calculators are a big tip-off :)). And so while I have been a student at UT for the last six months or so, I haven't taken a step anywhere on the campus except for those few that take me from the parking garage to the law school. Again, I reiterate, it's strange--it's strange to think that those four years passed by so quickly, that those people who were so much a part of this experience for me have left, and that I'm nearly done with my first year of law school. Woah! Time, where have you gone?

In any sense, this blog, like the UT main campus, has been much ignored by me. My apologies to those of you who actually read my ramblings--I will try to do better, but with finals coming up, I might have to defer until this summer...

law school in a nutshell...or a couple of paragraphs.

My old roommate Kelsey gave me this funny book for my birthday called “Ivy Briefs: True Tales of a Neurotic Law Student.” It’s hilarious and gives a hugely accurate depiction of what being a law student is like. Here is one of my favorite passages which reflects my own experience:

“Elite law schools pride themselves on the fact that they instruct students on how to think like lawyers instead of teaching them the actual law that they need to know in order to be lawyers…professors make you figure [out the law] for yourself. They do this by employing the case method, where they force their students to read hundreds of judicial opinions during the course of the semester, somehow decipher what each case is saying, and then try to piece the rules extracted from each case together to understand how they work in unison to form an entire body of law. It’s not dissimilar to trying to work an eight hundred-piece jigsaw puzzle made up of only plain white pieces…

The professors know what [the cases] mean. But do they explain the meaning to the students? No. No, they don’t. Instead, they rely on a medieval torture device called the Socratic method…a process whereby venerated law professors reduce innocent law students to quivering heaps of jelly by questioning them relentlessly in front of a large class filled with their peers…the professor asks. You answer. He says, “but what about this? How do you reconcile your answer with this?” You dig deep within yourself and find a response. He then says, “okay, so how about we twist the facts of the case around, then how would you respond?” This process is then repeated ad nauseam until, at some point, the professor has backed you into a corner and proved that you are nothing but a monumental idiot.”

16.67% Completed.

I made it.

Barely. I survived my first semester as a 1L in the twilight zone known as law school. And now, as I have to start earnestly thinking about buying books and doing my reading (yes, reading—which was assigned around the beginning of December, though we were yet to suffer through finals), I feel like my life is on pause while the rest of the world storms past me in fast forward.

It’s all so surreal; my roommate now works 60 hours a week at her job, my best friend is getting married in July, other friends are bringing new life into the world, and I’m stuck in a black hole of grad school, a place where adults pay hundreds of thousands of dollars to pretend to be college students again. So while Rachel tends to Ben Bernacke and Kara saves lives, I’m sitting in a lecture surfing Facebook or playing Tetris. I don’t work 40 hours a week or bring home a salary or raise children. Nope, I still live my life in semesters. I fill my brain with an unending amount of case law and study for finals and pretend to pay attention in class.

So it’s strange. It’s strange to feel like a kid though you’re about to turn 23 and your friends are off doing grown-up things like working and getting married and having kids of their own. But I made it. I survived the hellish experience known as being a 1L. I didn’t sleep, I read thousands of pages of court cases, I started drinking caffeine again, and I became a big fan of B minuses. I made it.

Uh, only 2.5 more years to go?